I’m going to be honest with you – the stretch from late October through New Year’s can feel like a bit of an obstacle course when you’re solo in Canada. I’m talking the Thanksgiving to New Year’s stretch of time that sets everything off kilter just a little bit.
Everyone’s talking about all of their commitments and invites, and speech is laden with vocabulary that makes a lot of assumptions about how connected and busy “we all are”, even if you, in fact, are not.
But here’s what I’ve learned: the holidays can actually be our time to shine if we get proactive and a little creative.
The Solo Budget: Less is More (By Necessity)
One of the first places my solo status shows up is in my wallet. With a single income, my purchases have been shrinking faster than a snowman in July.
Gift-giving, while important to my heart, often gets caught in the crosshairs of my latest austerity cuts.
The result? I spend way less time:
- Tackling the mall or online for gift shopping.
- Wrestling the crowds at the grocery store.
- Prepping and baking a massive array of holiday treats and favourites.
It simply boils down to affordability.
Living on one income means every dollar has to stretch further, and sometimes the “nice-to-have” festive spending just can’t make the cut.
Particularly with chocolate this year. With costs soaring there will be far less of those chocolate covered biscuit tins and/or Lindor gift bags handed from myself to others.
But there’s still ways to make the season bright, and bringing some home-made shortbread cookies is really just as good. And delicious!
The Homebody Shift: Cozy Beats Community
I used to love getting out to the theatre. But these days, I’ve noticed I’ve often chosen the comfort of my own home over a night out—and it’s a combination of economics and good ol’ Canadian practicality.
Living in the snow belt, travelling late at night with potential black ice or white-outs has become something I’d honestly rather avoid. It was my partner, not me, that had an affinity for driving and seemed less bothered by adverse conditions.
Me, I’m a wimp. I’m a nervous Nelly, and without another who feels far more skilled than I, there’ll be many more “stay at home and chill” days for me.
The Evolving Family Dynamic
My days of frantic food prep and house-fulls of family have also scaled way back. The kids are grown, moved away, and busy building their own lives and young families.
The family home—the anchor of their childhood memories—is long gone, a casualty of a past divorce.
Now, my smaller, cozier place doesn’t hold the same magnetic draw. It makes sense: my kids are opting to stay put and build new traditions in their own homes. This is simply the next chapter of life.
Kids become adults, and their loyalty shifts from your past schedules to their current partners and in-laws. It’s the challenge most families face.
I think it’s a little easier when everyone manages to stay in the same town! When you’re scattered across the province or country, visits naturally become a complex negotiation.
It’s a hard thing to get used to, but it’s an essential, natural stage of growth for them.
The best we can do is make it easy on them—letting them know that you are happy they have somewhere they want to be, surrounded by people they love, even if that’s not with you this year. No guilting allowed!
At least those who are partnered, when finding the kids aren’t going to make it back, still have each other to create a romantic, quiet time together.
Solos….well, you’ve got some hustling to do if you don’t want to be on your own on big ‘important-to-you days’. And there’s always the use of FaceTime, Zoom or Skype moments, though I admit for me they always end up sadly lacking.
Still, they are better than not having it at all.
The Solo Emotional Roller Coaster
I know I’m not speaking for all solos here, but I’d like to bring voice for some who I know have felt these stings but not spoken up.
It’s really the emotional ups and downs, the good days and bad days, that I think could stack up more during the festive season for solos.
As I live through it, talk to other single friends, read about and listen to talk shows about being single during the holidays, a common theme creeps up.
Even the most content, well adjusted and connected single people, do seem to feel conflicted about the holiday season.
This is in terms of feeling seen and an equal participant in all the warm-and-fuzzy things we’ve been socialized in Canadian culture to experience.
It begins around Thanksgiving in October and then on to November/December. We are bombarded on social media by pictures of gatherings that don’t often include any solo people. Perhaps it’s a Facebook photo of a large, beautifully decorated table and a gathering of the best of friends.
They are clearly all in couples, celebrating a couple of weeks early, before the craziness of their too full calendars with family and partners begins.
The singles are glaringly absent from these photos. They are either assumed to have their own plans, or worse, just somehow not being considered valuable guest material.
Then there are the movies and magazine articles; the typical, clearly affluent, beautifully colour coordinated family in a perfectly staged home; mom and dad, the matriarch and patriarch of the family, looking vital, fit, a little too young to have had the adult kids in the photo, and healthy.
There are endless garlands and lights on every surface and in every doorway; fireplace burning in the background; white tablecloth with a table set for 16-20 (wow, I wonder who is paying for those groceries and the bill at the LCBO).
Perfectly poised children in expensive Christmas formal outfits are playing cooperatively, and every adult is matched with an equally beautiful partner, while snow softly falls outside.
No ‘single’ adult exists in these portraits.
I guess they don’t feel it fits with the happy mood they’re trying to create.
Don’t get me started on the holiday discounts and travel ads promoting romantic get-a-ways and dramatic discounts for the “second person”.
No evidence at all that a single person might be travelling during the holidays to family so they aren’t all alone, and perhaps a single discount to help them out would be welcome.
It takes a little bit of social education to show others how to be more aware of the wide variety of ways people live these days.
I’m hoping everyone will be just a little more sensitive to the loneliness of others around the holiday season.
I hope this article will help in that regard. It’s my tiny contribution to media content, trying to advocate for the solos who live among us, often unseen.
Not everyone loves the holidays. Some of you may have no holiday rituals that place you in the orbit of others at these times. If that’s you, I get it.
Sometimes feelings of being left out and ignored might arise even though you seem never to feel that way the rest of the year.
It can feel more pronounced during cultural landmarks that are so family-centred.
You’re not alone. Canadian statistics show that approximately 40% of all people (singles and partnered) indicate feeling more anxious and depressed around the holidays for many, many reasons.
Be the Mastermind of Your Own Holiday
The only way to genuinely improve your solo holiday experience is to be the mastermind of how it all plays out.
And I don’t mean trying to pre-book all your adult kids 5 months ahead of the day so that you scoop them up before the in-laws or your ex’s family get a chance to plan. That’s not playing fair and is really hurting your own kids who get put in the middle. I mean, thinking about how you can spend your time when not seeing your significant others.
You need to identify your potential emotional pitfalls and actively run interference to stop them from ruining your time.
Make sure you prioritize time and energy for these core areas:
1. Proper Self-Care: eat well, avoid excessive sugar and alcohol. Get plenty of rest, fresh air and exercise.
2. Intentional Connection: Schedule face-to-face contact early, limit social media, and practise gratitude (give it a try, it really can help). Don’t wait until mid-December to find out if anybody is free. They won’t be by then. You need to start early or you may find yourself with very little to do and feeling pretty down about the whole season.
3. Make it Special, Just for You
- Engage Your Senses: Surround yourself with all the things you love—music, seasonal spices and aromas, great movies, and good food.
- Elevate Solo Meals: Make your meals luxurious and special, even if they’re just “for one.”
- Get Outdoors: A long walk or snowshoe on Christmas or Boxing Day can seriously brighten your spirits.
- Help Someone: If you find yourself alone with time to spare, offer to help a neighbour (shovelling snow is classic Canadian kindness!).
- Strategize Your Events: Many places have big crowds and have to give out tickets when that normally isn’t the case (like church services), so plan early.
- The Pre-Event Bliss: If you have an obligatory event you’re not looking forward to, build in a special hour just for yourself beforehand. Bring a thermos of your favourite coffee or hot chocolate, pull into a pretty resting spot, and listen to a great audiobook before you put your “game face” on to mingle.
It’s time to create your own new traditions you can count on each year so you won’t be grasping for straws on an annual basis. This is where solo living shines – you get to decide what matters! Making changes, life pivots, is where solos thrive if we set the right mindset. The possibilities are endless.
What’s one holiday tradition you’ve always wanted to try but felt like you ‘couldn’t’ because you’re solo? This is your year to do it.
Create New Annual Traditions For Yourself:
- Host a “Friendsgiving” or “Friendsmas” the weekend before or after.
- Start a tradition of watching the Santa Claus Parade in your hometown or on TV.
- Create a December cookbook club trying different recipes (maybe you’ll get a new tourtiere, butter tart, Nanaimo bar or seafood chowder recipe to add to your own line up).
- Plan an annual solo trip to a Christmas market.
- Join in or cheer on a New Year’s Day polar bear dip tradition at a nearby lake.
- Buy tickets to a hockey game or the theatre during the time between Christmas Day and New Year’s.
- Begin an annual New Year’s Day winter walk or snowshoe.
- Talk it up with the people in your world. You may discover that more people have no plans than you assumed and would be open to joining you.
- Let your partnered friends know you have no aversion to attending a social event where you are in the company of “couples”.
Embracing the Solo Future
I’ve never been a huge fan of Christmas — a holdover from a lonely childhood, though I honestly loved the joy it brought my children.
I made sure we had all the traditional trappings—decorations, movies, treats, family/neighbours, gingerbread houses and crafts—and I pray they carry a fondness for the holiday that I could never seem to muster myself.
As they got older, we grew into long boardgames, festive drinks and lots of talk about politics, sports and pop culture (lots of Harry Potter).
I truly treasure those memories and long for them again. But life moves on, it’s the one thing you know is true and you can’t stop it from changing.
So, how will I navigate this year?
I’m planning carefully so I don’t get left with nothing to support my solo moments.
My family couldn’t do Thanksgiving this year. So instead I planned a day trip to visit my eldest and my son-in-law ordered the festive Swiss Chalet lunch for us as a quick nod to the holiday. I also joined a friend’s church group who had planned a Thanksgiving hike. I didn’t know anyone but my friend, but everyone was friendly and in good spirits. The weather was fantastic and I loved it! Today’s photos are from that very hike.
If I’m being 100% transparent, I haven’t yet spent an entire Christmas Day (25th) completely alone. Christmas and Boxing Day, yes, I don’t usually get up to much. But I’ve still managed to spend each Christmas Day in the past, with my children, their families and my ex-husband (yes, we celebrate holidays together). But I know times are a changing, as their families grow, and I know I’ll crave more holiday festivities than will be satisfied with our limited time together.
I may even need to start considering travelling to them on Christmas as it’s a lot easier for one to travel than a young family, with babies and dogs. I know some people who rotate to a different child each year. Who knows, maybe that might be something to consider. Only time will tell for us. We are a family in flux right now. Perhaps you are in the same boat.
I’m currently scanning the local newspapers for December events that are beginning to be promoted. There’s a traditional “First Light” at Sainte Marie Among the Hurons in Midland that has a candlelight walk through historic buildings. There’s an artisan market, and musical performances (Celtic harp, hand drumming and choral). I’ve heard it never disappoints.
Maybe I can convince someone (not me) to drive those winter roads, and we might make the trek in the weeks ahead of the big day.
I’ll order in a special meal on Christmas Eve since I know I’ll be alone, to enjoy along with a favourite movie. There will be music, a ‘can’t-put-it-down’ novel, and lots of phone calls.
There’s also a mandatory long walk planned, hopefully, in a softly falling snow on a somewhat mild day (fingers crossed on that one). I’ll be attending a new-to-me church service that I have heard is beautiful if I can get a spot as well.
There’ll definitely be a few live musical performances within the community (the choirs always do something at that time of year, as does my own choir), and I can’t wait to enjoy those.
I also have at least one day trip out of town that’ll take place.
I’m looking forward to all of it.
The holidays will come and go, with or without me. In years past I tried the strategy of just ignoring Christmas (outside of the one day with family). I chose not to decorate my home, no lights, not watch holiday movies, and try to just trek on as usual. But it didn’t work. It turns out, just like Dr. Suess says, in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (my favourite classic), that you can’t stop Christmas from coming. It comes, just the same.
So this year, I choose to be one with the season and plan things that feed my spirit and bring me joy, whether I have someone to share it with or not.
I’ll decorate, I’ll craft, I’ll bake, I’ll send cards. I’ll focus on new goals for the upcoming year and practice gratitude for all the wonderful years I did have a house full of people.
I hope you’ll do the same.
What if You’re Truly Solo For the Entire Holiday?
Some years this might happen and we need to learn to be ok with it:
- Plan something you actually enjoy
- Treat yourself well – this isn’t a “less than” day
Suggestions:
- Order from your favourite restaurant (many Canadian restaurants have holiday specials)
- Video call with far-away friends
- Volunteer
- Go skating at City Hall or the community rink
- Get tickets to something you love
- Take yourself to a movie Christmas Eve complete with movie popcorn
- Attend a winter festival
- Create your own perfect day: sleep in, fancy coffee, favorite movie, special meal
- Buy a special puzzle you set aside for that one big day, and make a day of it in your cozy pj’s with your favourite playlist
Spending the holidays alone isn’t negative—it’s a chance to create your own meaningful experiences.
It’s true, being solo during the holidays has some extra challenges that may be different than for those who are partnered (at least the ones who are happily coupled).
Let’s address them, and then strategize to limit any downsides.
- Being solo requires more effort than joining family traditions.
- Sometimes the absence or loneliness is noticeable.
- It’s up to you how you’re going to see this; you can choose to be happy or choose to be dragged down. I hope you’ll decide you’re worth it and shoot for joy
- You have control to choose fulfilling activities instead of draining obligations.
Your Action Plan
This week:
- Pull out your calendar and circle the days that are important to you
- Make a list of 5 people you’d genuinely enjoy spending time with during the season
- Reach out to 2 of them with specific suggestions or gentle asks
- Choose ONE new tradition you want to try this year
Before November:
- Research local holiday events and mark 3 that interest you
- If you’re traveling, book it now
- If you’re staying local, plan one special thing for each major holiday
- Identify your “tough moment” and create a plan for it
Bonus challenge:
- Invite another solo to join you for something this season – be the person who reaches out first, our friendships are the cornerstone of a support system for solos
What’s your game plan for the holidays this year? I’d love to hear what you’re planning – drop a comment below or send me a message. Let’s help each other make this season one to remember — you might just inspire someone else and help them turn the corner on a potentially lonely time!
Leave a Reply